You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
