he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
