There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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