I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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