When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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