I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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