If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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