god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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