and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
