i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
