you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
