well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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