either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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