Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
