i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
