I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
