Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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