and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
