Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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