Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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