omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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