what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
