I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
