Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How does it feel to date your dad?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize