i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
