so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
