Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
