so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
