She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
