Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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