Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
