I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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