Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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