She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
