why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
