Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
