ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
