Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
