OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
operation harelip BJ is a go
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
