Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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