Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
