This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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