marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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