yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
