Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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