I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
