Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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