so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
