i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
