Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
