Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
