He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
