Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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