Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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