Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
so much tequila, so little girl.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
