His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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